There is nothing pleasing about being a people pleaser.
I walked this path for longer than I care to admit. The upside is I learned a lot about myself. It was a process to get back into the driver’s seat of my life. The most striking lesson now deeply imprinted on my being is that: “We teach people around us how to treat us, and we get to choose how we show up in the world.”
When we stop acting like people pleasers, we no longer allow others’ opinions and expectations to guide our path. The worries and backflips that were once the foundation of our existence can sort of fade off into the distance. What becomes more important is living from our truth and our authentic voice. Our authentic voice is the one that encourages us to be over the moon happy to be who we are — regardless of how we may be perceived.
These 3 powerful practices have been pivotal in helping me ditch my people pleaser habit and instead lead my life from the inside out. If any of this rings true for you, give these practices a try and see how they fit.
Practice #1 Stop Justifying Your Place in the World
One of the most empowering ways to step out of the people pleaser role, is to stop justifying ourselves. When we stop living from the belief that we have to explain ourselves and justify our position, we make room to stand strong in our truth. Letting go of the idea we owe others around us, is a powerful way to shift out of feeling like our voice isn’t enough.
See what changes by applying the “less is more” tactic in your communications. Intention is everything. We can have an intention that is kind and clear, while also honoring our voice and truth. When you know you don’t want to take something on but you’re worried you will disappoint others — simply take a deep breath into your intention and let that energy stand behind your shorter, concise response.
When we stop justifying our place in the world, we encourage our inner voice and truth to lead the way in expressing who we are.
Practice #2 Trust in Your Gut and Honor Your Voice
Looking back on my people pleasing days, I can clearly see that even though my inner voice was screaming at me to do one thing, I would frequently turn my back on myself. Worrying about disappointing others had become more important to me than honoring myself. This troubling realization can be a bit hard to swallow. But it can also act as a turning point to discovering a new way. A way that places value on who we are and what we are really here to share with the world.
The road to trusting ourselves comes each time we follow our intuition and gut feeling around what our inner voice is urging us to do. When we lead our lives from our core values and truths, we tend to stick on the path that’s aligned with who we really are.
Living from our truth doesn’t mean everything will always be easy, or there won’t be challenges along the way. What it does mean, is at the end of the day as our head hits the pillow, we can be confident knowing we did our best while honoring our voice and integrity.
Practice #3 Move Through Discomfort and Embrace Your Truth
One of the best gifts I’ve given myself over the years is to become more comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. Often when we are faced with a situation or conversation where we must stand in our power and truth, it can feel beyond uncomfortable.
But we can change the way we view discomfort . Instead of viewing discomfort as something we avoid, we can lean in and embrace being uncomfortable. When we do, we open up to having new experiences that strengthen our spirit. When we face difficult experiences, we prove to ourselves we can move through discomfort without breaking.
It’s empowering to see that fears and worries exist, but they can’t prevent us from living our truth and valuing our place in the world — we decide on that part.
Next time you are faced with the discomfort of standing in your truth, allow that feeling to move through and see what changes. My bet is on the other side of discomfort you’ll still be standing — only your stance will be filled with conviction and pride from embracing your truth.
❤ Emily
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This article was written by Emily Madill and originally published at The Huffington Post.
